Snowstorm of Faith

This morning, I woke to a thin coating of snow on the trees and the street. Excited by the beauty of it and the possibility of more to come, I jumped into the shower and headed out to Mass. After Mass, I came out to a covered car and streets. I was further excited by this intensification, the beauty it brought, and the possibility of even more to come. After arriving home, the snowfall slowed to being almost imperceptible, though still falling and still accumulating. This reflects my faith life. 

When first returning to the Church, the beauty of the faith, Liturgy, art, music, smells, etc., excited me, as did the knowledge that in our beautiful Catholic faith, there are endless treasures to be discovered and experienced. 

In the beginning, the work of the Holy Spirit was very obvious in my day-to-day practice of my faith. From my quickly losing the desire to smoke marijuana after 10-15 years of heavy use to what I believe were spiritual locutions to the desire for knowledge of and closeness with Jesus, the spiritual snowfall was covering everything in sight. 

After being back in the Church for 4 or 5 years, things began to change. The beauty of the faith, Liturgy, etc., became more commonplace. The smells and bells didn’t excite me to the same extent, though I still love all of the Catholic “stuff.”  The day in day out routine started to become less stimulating. My connection with Jesus didn’t feel the same, and despite knowing that the lack of feeling of closeness is often the opposite of the reality of His closeness, this slowing in the snowfall caused me concern. 

As the slow snowfall became the norm on this winter day, the snow on the street began melting. The beauty of the snow, while still present, became less obvious. So, too, with my faith. 

Jesus withdraws the spiritual consolations when He knows we are capable of deeper love with Him. He lets the snow melt away that has built up in my heart so that my love can evolve. I wonder if I want this evolution sometimes, but thankfully, whatever idea I may come up with in my mind, Jesus listens to both the words of our hearts and our mouths. 

So, the snow continues to fall at a slower rate outside as it does inside of me. Jesus never stops flowing in, even when His flakes and accumulation are less noticeable. Help me, Lord, to enjoy the beauty of the storm of Your love in me, whatever the level of intensity may seem to be. 

Written 1/30/21

Human-written, AI spell-checked

Image from me Garrett Johnson