Resisting Reconstruction

After the collapse of The World Trade Center after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, many groups came together to help plan the new structures that would take its place. Just as there were many competing ideas as to how this should be done, there is much competition in my mind. Controlling, distrusting, self-reliant Garrett wants to reconstruct in one way, and surrendering, trusting, Christ-reliant Garrett wants to take another path.

The foundation of this new me must not be built on the same faulty foundation my former life was built on. This means embracing trust, which means embracing the ways of Christ's holy Catholic Church. The history of the Church shows that one of the foundational practices of the saints is frequent attendance at Mass, which means, for me in my state of life, getting back to daily Mass.

The power of the Mass has been known in the Church since her birth. That power has become better known to me over the past few weeks of my collapse as I've turned away from it. Whatever the enemy hates most, he attacks most. This is made evident in the distractions and perverse thoughts that I am often bombarded with while praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet and The Rosary. Not that I am not distracted and my mind filled with perversion at other times of the day, but during these two prayers, the attacks are particularly intense.

Likewise, over the last few weeks, his hatred for the holy sacrifice of the Mass has become more obvious in that each morning, I find it very difficult to get out of bed. The first thought I often have/hear in my head is, “I don’t care.” I feel lethargic and indifferent until just about the time that I will no longer be able to get up and get to Mass on time. At that time, suddenly, the feelings of lethargy pass, and I usually get up and start praying the Liturgy of the Hours. This sequence of events could easily fool some, but by God’s grace and the gift of perception, I recognize the devil's trick.

If all prayer carried equal weight with our Lord, the attacks of the enemy would be more consistent in all areas of prayer, but they are not. If I didn’t want to get up to pray just as strongly as I didn’t want to get up for Mass, which may become the case after writing this, then I would say that my prayer at home is just as powerful as the prayer of the Mass which the enemy would love. But because of the inconsistency in intensity, the importance of the Mass becomes more obvious. This is yet another example of God working through humanity's enemy and our own weaknesses to benefit us in some way.

Knowing this allows me to see where I need to start externally to rebuild. I must get myself up each morning and religiously go to Mass. No excuses. I must avoid any activity that may prevent me from participating in this gift, obligation, and primary component of my new foundation. Work, tiredness, and weather can not be used as excuses to keep me from this powerful daily prayer. Now that I know what to do externally to aid myself, figuring out what to do internally is next.

Written 2/14/21 AD

Human-written, AI spell-checked

Image from nytimes.com